sábado, dezembro 18, 2004

Conde Olaf, o blog 

Aqui vão os últimos posts do blog do fantasmagóricamente fantástico Conde Olaf, escrito pelo único Jim Carrey:
[vejam os pormenores da promoção que ele está a fazer pelo mundo, desde o Japão, à Alemanha, a Inglaterra, onde ele relata vários aspectos das antestreias. Destaque para um pequeno incêndio que vem relatado no post já por baixo e que aconteceu mesmo, vejam o link no texto para a Reuters]

The MOST incredibly brilliant BLOG in the World
Orphans to Blame
Friday, December 17, 2004
How awful! What a tragedy! Another terrible fire! And this one at Jim Carrey's hotel in London! Unfortunately, he got out alive. We were both in town for the London premiere of my movie, and I must admit that I was becoming quite fed up with the way he kept upstaging me on the red carpet. "Look at me! I'm Jim Carrey! Ha ha hoo hoo!" After the fire, everyone came running asking if I was responsible. (Who's getting all the attention now, Jimbo?!) Of course not! I am an actor, not an arsonist, at least not that you can prove. In fact, I think someone should be talking to the monkey. I always told those children never to play with fire – that is an adult's job!
posted by Count Olaf @ 11:33 AM

Roll Out the Black Carpet!
Last night, I, the greatest actor of our times, including daylight savings time, attended the world gala Hollywood premiere of my major motion picture. I WAS SPECTACULAR! The paparazzi nearly fell over themselves trying to take pictures of me, particularly when Meryl Streep was standing in front of me. And the audience was rapt whenever I appeared on the screen, like when I glared around and commandingly shushed Walter Parkes, the film’s alleged producer. Ultimately, the applause was DEAFENING as I was escorted from the theater by a rather gruff security guard. Hollywood loves Count Olaf, and in a matter of days the entire world will, too!
posted by Count Olaf @ 9:48 AM

The Election Plot!
Thursday, December 16, 2004
What do you think I am, an imbecile?! I know there’s no such thing as the President of All Actors Everywhere. Of course I know that! It’s the Bald Man who thought it was real! And the Hook-Handed Man! They’re the fools! The White-Faced Women actually thought that presidents had secretaries. Hah! Me, I knew all along! I just wanted to…write a spe--….get my face on some sticke--….I just wanted to…Publicize My Movie! GENIUS! This was a carefully planned stunt to publicize my groundbreaking, heartstopping, groundstopping major motion picture debut in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events! And it worked! You fell for it like a widow out a window. Chalk one more victory up for the splendid Count Olaf!
posted by Count Olaf @ 5:18 PM

Gorilla Marketing
I’ll stop at nothing to make my movie the biggest blockbuster of all time! I know all about gorilla marketing. However, it’s not easy finding gorilla suits in this town – especially one that fits a person with hooks instead of hands. Fortunately, Colleen Atwood, who did all the costumes on my movie, was able to put together something highly convincing. My troupe has been all over town in their suits for the last few of days. The newspapers, gossip rags, and police scanners are a-buzz! Why, this morning, a cop hit The Bald Man in the thigh with a tranquilizer gun. Add marketer extraordinaire to my long list of accomplishments!
posted by Count Olaf @ 10:30 AM

Fan the Flames!
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
I’m getting more infamous by the moment. Just this morning, I was out for a drive scouting locations for my next plot, when I was forced to pull over by a fan in a police uniform. Of course, I was a little suspicious at first, but he was determined. He made me show him my driver’s license to prove that I was the Count Olaf, and then he asked me to sign my autograph on a little green ticket. I nearly blushed, but instead I said, “You have excellent taste, sir.” Let no one say that I, the extremely handsome Count Olaf, don’t give a dandelion about my fans!
posted by Count Olaf @ 1:45 PM

3 Days Until the Grand Mopening!
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
My eyebrow is tingling, and you know what that means. In a matter of days, millions upon millions of people will crowd into theaters to gape in awe at my enormous, handsome, enormously handsome face. The masses will be swept by emotion as they witness the greatest performance ever performed by a performer performing. The sweat of acting, the irritation of dealing with those children, the chafing of my peg leg, the long months of waiting and writing these dreadful blog entries. It will all be worth it, for My Greatness will be revealed once and for all for all to see at least once! I can hear the sirens and applause now!
posted by Count Olaf @ 10:56 AM

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